My Ideal Superpower

by Joyce

Today, while watching X-Men: First Class, I inevitably got to thinking about what superpower I would like to have if I could have my pick. Telepathy is an obvious first choice and would be very useful on a daily basis, but the ability to manipulate magnetic fields (Magneto) or absorb and reuse energy (Sebastian Shaw) seems more powerful in a physical fight. Of course, there’s oodles more to choose from.

But then it occurred to me that the problem with all of these powers is that they’re too useful as offensive weaponry. These mutants are forever getting bothered by people who want to use them to achieve world domination or something, and as such, they’re always finding themselves in nasty situations. It must be terribly inconvenient for someone who is just trying to live a quiet, decent life.

So I decided that the truly ideal superpower is something that is infinitely useful to yourself, but completely useless to anyone else. After careful consideration, I’ve decided on the ability to have complete control over my sleep. Just think! — you’d never need to set another alarm or buy another pair of earplugs! You could save oodles on rent, since the surrounding environment need not be particularly peaceful. And you’d never again have to face that horrible brain fog that happens after you’ve tossed and turned all night. Anyone who has struggled with insomnia (as I have) would immediately see how incredibly useful this ability would be.

And yet, it’s completely useless as a weapon. I can see the look of complete disappointment on some supervillain’s face as he contemplates recruiting me for his team: “Your superpower is what?!!”

So voila! A more productive life, completely free of pesky solicitation. Now that’s what I call useful!